Mommy Time!

Finally, I have gotten back to the blog!

My husband and I had our baby on October 22 of this year.  Her name is Tsoli (pronounced "sole-ee") Rose and we are beyond in love!  So, here's the story of her birth...

I had made it to the point when my doctor visits were every week.  One Thursday I was scheduled to go to the doctor and when they checked my blood pressure it was higher than normal.  The doctor seemed a little worried that I had developed a condition called preeclampsia and told me to come back the next day.  I get there Friday and my blood pressure is even higher than the day before!  I was told to get to the hospital because we were having our baby...PSYCH!!!!  The doctor called after they monitored my blood pressure and got me ready for my C-section (Tsoli was breech) and told us that we could go home.  That was a huge disappointment and I cried the hardest I ever had.  So, I go back to the doctor on Monday after an extremely long weekend and my blood pressure is checked again.  I don't remember the numbers but it was alarmingly high.  I was sent to the hospital right away and we were for sure going to meet our sweet girl!

I call my husband at work to tell him that I was on my way to the hospital and that it was serious this time.  He must have been driving fast because he got to the hospital at the same time I did.  I was not having fun because I was so hungry and not allowed to eat.  My IV was put in (ouch), I got shaved by a person I had never seen and never saw again, and then it was time to go!  

**Side note:  I had to learn quickly to accept help for every little thing and while I was pretty annoyed I was also extremely thankful for my husband and the nurses that took care of me. They had to do things that made me feel uncomfortable for them but they were so selfless and caring and told me to stop apologizing.

Ok.  Back to the story.  Benjamin wasn't allowed to come into the operating room until after they had given me the spinal which was what I was most afraid of.  So, I'm in there shaking like crazy because my nerves were out of control with my husband nowhere in sight.  Getting the spinal hurt SOOOOO bad but there was a wonderful nurse who stood in front of me, hugged me, and kept telling me I was doing a good job.  I was holding onto that lady so tight with my eyes sealed and reciting a line from the Psalm 23.  Over and over again "He makes me lie down in green pastures.  He leads me beside still waters."  It felt like the guy was sticking me in the back with that needle for an eternity.  Then my butt went numb and they helped me to lay down.  I feel like there were two people in the room when the poking started and when I opened my eyes again there were like ten people in the room.  After laying down I started to feel really sick like I was going to throw up and since I was on my back and not able to move with no feeling from the chest-ish down, I really thought I was going to die.  Finally, I asked the nurses where my husband was.  One responded, "we're going to get him soon."  I said, "Okay.  When is my husband coming?"  Haha!  I really didn't like that he wasn't with me.  Before I knew it, my Benjamin was there with me and I felt lots of tugging on my belly.  Ben stood up to look over the sheet that separated us from the operation and said, "I see her butt!"  When I heard Tsoli's cry I immediately broke out in tears.  It was the sweetest sound I'd ever heard.  

I was still being operated on while Ben went to the other side of the room to see the baby.  I didn't actually see her for quite sometime.  When they brought her to me she was looking all around the room but when I started talking to her, she stopped and just stared at me.  I melted when she turned my way.  I knew she couldn't see me but my voice was familiar to her.  When I see pictures of that moment it still brings tears to my eyes.  That was the beginning of a love story.

Going Crazy

Being pregnant for nine whole months is pretty intense.  I am aware that people have been doing this from the beginning of time but geez, can we shorten this?!  I've been having a little person living in my belly for almost 38 weeks now and I can honestly say I'm over it.  There have been cool moments and things that happen are still pretty cool but I think it'll be even cooler to see my kid and hold her and hear her cry and the list could go on and on.  Also, people keep telling me to be patient because she will get here and change everything.  I'm excited for the change and I know it'll be a HUGE adjustment for my husband and I.  My husband hasn't dealt much with kids so there will be a learning curve there.  He will pick it up pretty quickly, I'm sure...because he doesn't have a choice ;)  My biggest adjustment will be sleeping.  I LOVE SLEEPING!  Now, I am not one of those over-sleepers who will sleep all day long and for excessive amounts of time but when I'm supposed to be sleeping, you can bet that's what I'm doing. So the thought of being awake during the time my body wants to be resting makes me nervous.  Surely, I'll get used to it...because I don't have a choice.  With all that being said/rambled....

TSOLI, COME OUT! WE'RE READY FOR YOU!

Top 10

I was talking with my husband the other day about the top 10 things that we have learned being married.  This would be like the 10 things that we think are the most important and that have made our first year of marriage successful (successful as in we are still married...and still plan to be married for a while..and still consider each other best friends).  We have had many days when navigating through our marriage were all but happy but it's important to say that learning this stuff together was and is really worth it. So here is the list that we put together, together :)  P.S. These are not listed in order of importance.

1. Go on adventures together.  This is not something that has to cost a lot of money or any at all. It's always fun to go for a drive with no plan or destination.  Really good discussions come out of this for us.  You can also find interesting things if you go to a place where you don't really know your way around and have to find your way back out...Just don't get killed or something.
2. Pray together.  Praying is really neat because you're growing closer to God both individually and as a unit.  It is also a vulnerable place to be with another person because, you would hope, when you're talking to God, a little bit of your heart is exposed.  That is a really sweet thing to be a part of.  A lot of times I find myself with a really big smile on my face when my husband is praying because I am in love his heart for people and for God.
3. Always be on the same team.  This one is really big for me because I have to be reminded of it so much.  Craig Groeschel, the pastor of LifeChurch.tv, did a series on marriage recently and one of the things he said that stood out to me is when you fight, don't fight for victory but fight for reconciliation and restoration.  Definitely a slap in the face for me because I always wanted to win.  Not good. 
4. Don't waste time getting mad over little things.  There will be so many jumbo things to fight about that to make a big deal out of the small things is silly.  Also, when I think about all of the small things we could be mad at each other about, we would never not be mad. Ever.  Close the closet doors, rinse your dishes, hang up your towel after using it, don't leave your clothes on the ground, take out the trash. PLEASE SWEET BABY JESUS lead this man to take out the trash!  blah blah blah.  The list could go on forever and those are not all things that I get mad about. Those are things he has to get on me about too. Just FYI.  But you can see how we would never be able to have fun or just chill if we wasted time fighting about trivial things.
5. Shower together.  Soon we will have a little person in our house that will make this pretty much impossible. But, I must say that taking showers together gave us a little bit of extra time to talk in the mornings or evenings and that is much appreciated.  (Saves water too!)  Oh! And our showers are about 99% of the time not sexual, just functional.  There's always somebody to help you wash your back :)
6. Love Languages actually work and they help.  The book we had to read for our pre-marital counseling is titled "The 5 Love Languages" and seems really stupid and corny at first but it really does help.  The love languages are 1)Words of Affirmation 2)Quality Time 3)Receiving Gifts 4)Acts of Service 5)Physical Touch.  I thought I could pick out my own by just looking at them but actually reading the book (go figure) showed me differently.  My top love language is Words of Affirmation while my husband's is Physical Touch.  Good things to know when one of you needs to be loved on. 
7. Be intimate. Alot. You know what I mean... Do it. I don't think anything else needs to be said about that.  
8. Surprise each other.  The little things are always the best.  For example, I love when my husband surprises me with a clean kitchen or making the bed.  Neither of those are a big huge deal but it shows that he was thinking of me.  This is a good time to consider the other person's love languages too!  
9. Love each other in public.  Side Story* Ben and I are in Target picking up some stuff for the baby and we turn to walk down the aisle and this couple is legit making out...Like hard core making out.  So we just stand there awkwardly and wait for them to notice us.  When they do notice us, they keep kissing.  Ummm, okay.  I guess we will just look for something else.  End Side Story*  This is not what I mean when I say love each other in public.  I love when my husband sneaks kisses when no one is watching or when he stops me to give me a big hug.  Small things, small things.
10. Show interest in each other's interests.  Pretty easy, sometimes.  This is a good way to practice not complaining.  I'm good at complaining and spending time doing things that Ben likes teaches me to be selfless.  Also, I love seeing my man happy!  That's a plus. 

Well, there you go!  Those are our top 10 things that my husband and I learned in the first year of being married.  Surely the list will be different after family dynamics change with adding a baby girl to the picture.  

Hey Miss Understood

I wouldn't watch this video if you're at work or with your kids or having tea with your grandma...unless your grandma is as dope as mine!
Mmmmm...A. Lupe Fiasco is probably my favorite artist. He talks about real issues and seems to have a real concern for people and their well being. Dude is legit! AND B. I'm a bit concerned about bringing a little girl into a world where being called a bitch is an insult and a complement with the only difference being who it comes from. A wonderful woman said, "All comparisons are odious. Vulgarity is vulgarity...and if you mean to demean a person, to make her or him less than whole and anybody could say it, you could say it from a robot and it means that this person is not worthy of my concern." That woman is Dr. Maya Angelou (of course).


 One of our most important jobs as parents and parents of a little girl is to be sure that she knows who she is. She needs to know that to find her identity, she needs to search and adventure through the words of her creator. That is where she will find out just who Tsoli Rose is. She will find in the words of the one who loves her most that she is made in the image of God (Gen. 1:27) and that can't be anything but wonderful, she is clothed in strength and dignity (Prov. 31:25), she is a lily among thorns (Song of Songs 2:2). So, in knowing the truth of these things, to be called a bitch or anything that goes against what her maker says about her will be outside of reality. There won't even be a reason to get upset or a need to defend because those things will be so far from the truth that they just seem silly. I know the day will come when someone will tell her she looks like a hotdog or whatever the kids will say and I will have to remind her that her maker says she is fearfully and wonderfully made. And just as a reminder to you...YOU ARE WONDERFULLY MADE! That is all.

Tsoli's Mommy

Today is my day off so I could post all day and all night. Woo Hoo for the readers!  Although, I don't really have any.  Haha!  Any who...

I LOVE Dr. Mya Angelou.  My heart aches when I think of the days she is no longer with us.  In this video she talks about the relationship between a mother and a daughter even though she has never given birth to a daughter.  Check it out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hg4oT9ik18


I pray for my Tsoli that I can be the mother who never tears down but always builds up.  To share in the secret and sacred of what being a woman really means and not to forget the secret and sacred of what being a girl means before the first knocks on her door.  Thank God for mothers. Mine specifically.  She is wonderful, beautiful, poised, and classic.  She taught and is still teaching me what a mother is and I want for my daughter to be able to say the same thing about her mother.  Even if she's not here yet, I am beyond proud to be Tsoli's Mommy.

Tsoli Rose - 20 Weeks

And What I Love Most Of All?

You see me high
You see me low
You see me fast
You see me slow
You see me weak
You see me strong
You see me right
You see me wrong
You see me clothed
You see me bare
You love the curling of my hair
You see me plain
You see me pretty
When I'm serious
When I'm silly
You love me clean
You love me dirty
You see me crumble
You make me sturdy

You love me broken
You love me whole
You see the depths of my soul

You see me cry
You see me smile
You see me tame
You see me wild
You see me doubled
You stand me tall
And what I love most of all?

You see me.

Samohya Stallons

I wrote this poem today when I was thinking about my encounter with my husband last night.  I got an attitude with him about something and that NEVER happens : )  His response was a smile and he simply said, "...with your crazy pregnant self."  In little moments like that, as trivial and unimportant as they may seem, it ensured me that he is a man who loves me simply.  There are no rules, no trade offs, no conditions.  He just loves me.  Makes no sense with all of the craziness that he has to put up with.  What I have really opened my eyes to lately is that we don't love each other despite (fill in the blank).  We love each other because of those things.  Every part of who we are makes up the entirety of who we are.  You can't just take a piece.  You must take it all and my husband's love for me is a really good example of that.  Love with no conditions.

Purpose

I've been thinking about starting a blog for some time now.  Tonight is the night that I decided to embark on this journey.  The purpose of this blog is for 1) family members that live to far away to keep up with us 2) posting millions of pictures of my daughter who will be joining us in 7 weeks 3) me to talk about whatever I want.  I likes dat!
So you can look forward to posts concerning my pregnancy...that is about to end, my life as a wife, my relationship with Jesus, and my upcoming adventure of being a mommy.  Surely, I will have things to say about topics not listed but those are the main reasons I started this blog.  I hope you enjoy : )