The Bears

I grew up hearing people say, "God won't put more on you than you can bear."  While I believe this to be true, dealing with all those bears is no picnic! Being a young, new mother and wife has been the greatest of my life but pairing that with unemployment and being a full-time student proved also to be very draining.  Other bumps and potholes in the road of our journey didn't help either.  (Disclaimer: this post is not me complaining, just describing what life was like for a while).   Our move from Missouri to Illinois was one that we thought would be peaceful and good.  I mean, my whole family was close and much of my husband's family. Being near family was/is great!  It does my soul well to be around my family.  But our life at home turned out to be mostly chaos with a sprinkling of discord.  
My husband was working crazy hours (which he still does but they're much better) that called for him to be at work for 12-16/day.  ***Shout out to him for taking care of his family.  I think of it often that five years ago he didn't even know me and now we are married, have a baby, he worked while I had said baby and finished school having NO INCOME...at all, and I just recently quit the job where I worked for about six weeks because most of that money went to daycare and gas to get to work.  He's so supportive and I just love him***  Anyway, his work schedule left me taking care of the house, the baby (who went through three different sitters in a span of 8 weeks) and doing student teaching while he was away.  Student teaching is like having a full-time job that you have to pay for.  So, I get totally burnt out on washing dishes, changing diapers and writing lesson plans that I start to take that out on my husband who is paying all of our bills and is totally burnt out on not seeing his family and work becoming his entire existence that he starts to take that out on his wife...that's me :)  Okay so...we never saw each other and when we did, we either fought or were too exhausted to even speak.  Becoming destructive, we both would talk about how "I wish I could have your job" and "What you do is nothing compared to what I do."  Ummm. Yea.  Don't do that.  We were told in pre-marital counseling specifically not to do that.  We did it and...yea, don't do that.  We were forgetting that we needed to build one another up instead of making the other feel not as valuable to the team.  I mean seriously, who would have paid all of our bills while I was unable to work?  And Ben would probably be turning his underwear inside-out to have a clean pair.  We need each other to do different things or our entire operation would have fallen apart a year and 7 months ago when we decided that I would be his and he would be mine until a piano or anvil falls out of the sky on top of our heads.  
Two months after we were in our apartment, it flooded and our baby got sick because of it.  Several pieces of furniture were ruined and much of what we owned was piled on our kitchen table or in boxes near the table.  There was clutter everywhere!  It drove me up the walls to be living like that for so long.  To get out of our lease, we had to raise hell with the property management company who did everything they possibly could to not.  This little dance went on for about a month until we finally got a new place. 
Now that we're in our new home, many of the bears have gone.  There are still a few who live in the guest room and every once in a while, they come out trying to tear stuff up.  But we are strong and we will fight for our marriage to be healthy and our family to be strikingly upright. And let me just warn you. We will win!  Because God won't put more on us that we can bear.

  

Food for Baby

One day, about a week ago, Tsoli would not stop eating and I wasn't able to make enough milk for her so I had to run out to the store to buy her some formula.  That was a sad day because (a) I did not want to spend that money and (b) I took it personally for about five minutes that I didn't have enough milk for her.  You know?  It was like I did something wrong.  Not the case.  It didn't take me long to let go of that one because however it happened, the child had to eat.  So I went to the store and bought her FullCircle Organic Formula.  It looks like this...

 There is no special reason for me buying this kind

other than it was the only formula that I saw that said "organic."  I think that's a good enough reason.  Too bad it's expensive as H-E-Double hockey sticks.  

So I bought one can and took it back and forth between home and school (I'm still breastfeeding but sometimes we need some supplementing) but one day I forgot to bring her formula home.  And guess what???  I ran out of milk.  PERFECT!  So I fed Tsoli some rice cereal before school or she would be starving.  I told her teachers the situation when I dropped her off afterward just so they were aware and when I picked her up it read on her sheet the following..."Breakfast: Apples and rice cereal."  My first thought was that they didn't ask me if it was okay to give her that and my second thought was my sweet little baby is old enough for such things.  She was JUST born!  That's beside the point of this post.  Let me walk you through the process for how I made baby food.  (public service announcement: I don't plan on giving her all this food for a long time.  Do not fear.  She will only have apples and rice cereal periodically over the next few weeks just to get her used to eating.  That way when it's time for serious solid food eating, she will be somewhat acclimated).  

Choose desired foodage. I made quite a bit of food because I had time to do it and I didn't know if that would ever happen again.  I decided to go with apples, peas, sweet potatoes, pears, carrots and bananas. 

 Peel and steam food if needed.  FYI, you don't need to peel peas and you don't need to steam bananas.  Ya know.

Next, puree said food until it's the consistency that right for the child.  The way to make this happen is to add as many ounces of water as the number of fruit of veggie.  This doesn't work for peas or carrots so you just gotta feel it out.  Of course, Tsoli is stage 1 so her food will be super smooth.

Put the pureed food into an ice tray, about a teaspoon per cube.

Carrots & Peas

Then, ya freeze and separate the food into little baggies or containers and there you have it!  

Sweet Potatoes

 Baggie

Here is the cost break down for home made food vs. store bought baby food.

From Wal-Mart, you would pay 9$ for this eight pack of bananas.

I went to Sam's and bought bananas, 6 for $1.70 something cents and made approximately 32 servings.  And this one has no preservatives...Just saying.  

Now, I do understand that like millions of babies eat store bought baby food and don't turn out menaces to society.  Either way is cool but I like this way best!  Woo Hoo!

Juggling

I just finished my first week of student teaching.  It was pretty much the bomb.com.  Initially, I was terrified to teach or even ever be in a town as small as this one.   There are eighty-six students who attend this school.  A public school.  In America.  Ummm...where they do that at? (In my ghetto voice)  On my first day a little girl says to me, "You're our new teacher and your a black person!  I've never seen a black person."  Another student says, "Yes you have.  On T.V."  Just a little taste of how rural this rural area is.  It was quite the adjustment going from being home all day to getting up at the butt crack of dawn to get to school on time.  It's not like I just lounged around all day at home but dealing with other peoples' runts are more tiring and not nearly as satisfying as waiting hand and foot on my own little one.

So, I wake up between 5:30am and 6:30am (depending on how the night went with Tsoli bug) and get ready for the day.  This includes pumping milk for the baby and getting dressed and making some kind of breakfast and some kind of lunch for myself.  I drive thirty minutes to school after coordinating who is dropping off and picking up the baby.  The school day is pretty lackluster at this point with doing more observing than anything else but I will start teaching math and doing calendar to ease in to teaching the whole day.  Then, I drive back to pick up Tsoli.  Now, picking up the child is quite the task.  I walk in the school with a car seat and car keys in hand.  I have to take my shoes off at the door of the classroom.  No big deal.  When I get in the classroom, I'm handed Tsoli, her bottle that she is eating at that time (she's always eating when I get there), all the bottles from the day, a blanket, and her daily log. After all this is arranged in my hands in a way that is almost possible for me to carry, I have to put my shoes on outside the door.  So,  I have to put all the stuff back down to get my shoes back on then pick up all the stuff a second time in a way that is coordinated enough to make sure I don't drop anything.  Pretty serious process.

We get home.  I take the baby out of the car and grab what I can making sure I still have a hand to unlock the front door.  Play with Tsoli.  Feed Tsoli.  Put Tsoli down for a nap.  Wash dishes. Make dinner.  Wash more dishes.  Baby's up.  Eat dinner with baby in my arms.  Feed baby.  Play with child.  Clean child for bed.  Get child in a bed sleeping.  Who cares which one?  Not me.  And all the while spend time with my husband (who I appreciate and helps a lot) AND work on stuff for school.

  I love my life!  Seriously, I do.  I've never felt more purpose than I do now.

Letting Go

Tsoli and I are drawing near to the end of our limitless time together.  Mommy no likey.  It is crazy to think that twelve weeks have passed since our sweet little girl was born.  She has literally grown right in front of me (seeing that we have spent nearly every waking and non-waking hour together).  Tsoli has  grown from sleeping most of the day to...actually she still sleeps a lot but not nearly as much...smiling, laughing, cooing, babbling and rolling.  She used to be extremely fussy and now she is a very happy baby.  Let me show you!

Pretty sweet girl, right?! RIGHT! 

So today is Thursday and I start my last semester of school on Monday.  I will start student teaching so I will be in school the same hours as a real classroom teacher.  This translates to my baby being in daycare all day WITHOUT HER MOMMY!  Or maybe I should say that I will be in school all day WITHOUT MY BABY!  I feel like her transition will be a little easier than mine as long as she gets something to eat, gets her naps, and gets played with and read to exactly like I do it at home :).  

I will graduate in May and then summa summa summa time!  I get to take care of my baby for another three months and watch her grow and develop into a big girl, gaining the ability to do new cool baby things.  All I have to do is stay focused, find balance, and give everything 100%.  I can do that.  I have to do that for my husby and my baby girl.  Even though I have to leave my child with people who are not named Samohya Stallons I am so thankful for such good timing and God allowing me the opportunity to reach my goal.  

Here is Tsoli's progression from when we brought her home 'til now...*sigh*