The Bears

I grew up hearing people say, "God won't put more on you than you can bear."  While I believe this to be true, dealing with all those bears is no picnic! Being a young, new mother and wife has been the greatest of my life but pairing that with unemployment and being a full-time student proved also to be very draining.  Other bumps and potholes in the road of our journey didn't help either.  (Disclaimer: this post is not me complaining, just describing what life was like for a while).   Our move from Missouri to Illinois was one that we thought would be peaceful and good.  I mean, my whole family was close and much of my husband's family. Being near family was/is great!  It does my soul well to be around my family.  But our life at home turned out to be mostly chaos with a sprinkling of discord.  
My husband was working crazy hours (which he still does but they're much better) that called for him to be at work for 12-16/day.  ***Shout out to him for taking care of his family.  I think of it often that five years ago he didn't even know me and now we are married, have a baby, he worked while I had said baby and finished school having NO INCOME...at all, and I just recently quit the job where I worked for about six weeks because most of that money went to daycare and gas to get to work.  He's so supportive and I just love him***  Anyway, his work schedule left me taking care of the house, the baby (who went through three different sitters in a span of 8 weeks) and doing student teaching while he was away.  Student teaching is like having a full-time job that you have to pay for.  So, I get totally burnt out on washing dishes, changing diapers and writing lesson plans that I start to take that out on my husband who is paying all of our bills and is totally burnt out on not seeing his family and work becoming his entire existence that he starts to take that out on his wife...that's me :)  Okay so...we never saw each other and when we did, we either fought or were too exhausted to even speak.  Becoming destructive, we both would talk about how "I wish I could have your job" and "What you do is nothing compared to what I do."  Ummm. Yea.  Don't do that.  We were told in pre-marital counseling specifically not to do that.  We did it and...yea, don't do that.  We were forgetting that we needed to build one another up instead of making the other feel not as valuable to the team.  I mean seriously, who would have paid all of our bills while I was unable to work?  And Ben would probably be turning his underwear inside-out to have a clean pair.  We need each other to do different things or our entire operation would have fallen apart a year and 7 months ago when we decided that I would be his and he would be mine until a piano or anvil falls out of the sky on top of our heads.  
Two months after we were in our apartment, it flooded and our baby got sick because of it.  Several pieces of furniture were ruined and much of what we owned was piled on our kitchen table or in boxes near the table.  There was clutter everywhere!  It drove me up the walls to be living like that for so long.  To get out of our lease, we had to raise hell with the property management company who did everything they possibly could to not.  This little dance went on for about a month until we finally got a new place. 
Now that we're in our new home, many of the bears have gone.  There are still a few who live in the guest room and every once in a while, they come out trying to tear stuff up.  But we are strong and we will fight for our marriage to be healthy and our family to be strikingly upright. And let me just warn you. We will win!  Because God won't put more on us that we can bear.

  

Food for Baby

One day, about a week ago, Tsoli would not stop eating and I wasn't able to make enough milk for her so I had to run out to the store to buy her some formula.  That was a sad day because (a) I did not want to spend that money and (b) I took it personally for about five minutes that I didn't have enough milk for her.  You know?  It was like I did something wrong.  Not the case.  It didn't take me long to let go of that one because however it happened, the child had to eat.  So I went to the store and bought her FullCircle Organic Formula.  It looks like this...

 There is no special reason for me buying this kind

other than it was the only formula that I saw that said "organic."  I think that's a good enough reason.  Too bad it's expensive as H-E-Double hockey sticks.  

So I bought one can and took it back and forth between home and school (I'm still breastfeeding but sometimes we need some supplementing) but one day I forgot to bring her formula home.  And guess what???  I ran out of milk.  PERFECT!  So I fed Tsoli some rice cereal before school or she would be starving.  I told her teachers the situation when I dropped her off afterward just so they were aware and when I picked her up it read on her sheet the following..."Breakfast: Apples and rice cereal."  My first thought was that they didn't ask me if it was okay to give her that and my second thought was my sweet little baby is old enough for such things.  She was JUST born!  That's beside the point of this post.  Let me walk you through the process for how I made baby food.  (public service announcement: I don't plan on giving her all this food for a long time.  Do not fear.  She will only have apples and rice cereal periodically over the next few weeks just to get her used to eating.  That way when it's time for serious solid food eating, she will be somewhat acclimated).  

Choose desired foodage. I made quite a bit of food because I had time to do it and I didn't know if that would ever happen again.  I decided to go with apples, peas, sweet potatoes, pears, carrots and bananas. 

 Peel and steam food if needed.  FYI, you don't need to peel peas and you don't need to steam bananas.  Ya know.

Next, puree said food until it's the consistency that right for the child.  The way to make this happen is to add as many ounces of water as the number of fruit of veggie.  This doesn't work for peas or carrots so you just gotta feel it out.  Of course, Tsoli is stage 1 so her food will be super smooth.

Put the pureed food into an ice tray, about a teaspoon per cube.

Carrots & Peas

Then, ya freeze and separate the food into little baggies or containers and there you have it!  

Sweet Potatoes

 Baggie

Here is the cost break down for home made food vs. store bought baby food.

From Wal-Mart, you would pay 9$ for this eight pack of bananas.

I went to Sam's and bought bananas, 6 for $1.70 something cents and made approximately 32 servings.  And this one has no preservatives...Just saying.  

Now, I do understand that like millions of babies eat store bought baby food and don't turn out menaces to society.  Either way is cool but I like this way best!  Woo Hoo!

Juggling

I just finished my first week of student teaching.  It was pretty much the bomb.com.  Initially, I was terrified to teach or even ever be in a town as small as this one.   There are eighty-six students who attend this school.  A public school.  In America.  Ummm...where they do that at? (In my ghetto voice)  On my first day a little girl says to me, "You're our new teacher and your a black person!  I've never seen a black person."  Another student says, "Yes you have.  On T.V."  Just a little taste of how rural this rural area is.  It was quite the adjustment going from being home all day to getting up at the butt crack of dawn to get to school on time.  It's not like I just lounged around all day at home but dealing with other peoples' runts are more tiring and not nearly as satisfying as waiting hand and foot on my own little one.

So, I wake up between 5:30am and 6:30am (depending on how the night went with Tsoli bug) and get ready for the day.  This includes pumping milk for the baby and getting dressed and making some kind of breakfast and some kind of lunch for myself.  I drive thirty minutes to school after coordinating who is dropping off and picking up the baby.  The school day is pretty lackluster at this point with doing more observing than anything else but I will start teaching math and doing calendar to ease in to teaching the whole day.  Then, I drive back to pick up Tsoli.  Now, picking up the child is quite the task.  I walk in the school with a car seat and car keys in hand.  I have to take my shoes off at the door of the classroom.  No big deal.  When I get in the classroom, I'm handed Tsoli, her bottle that she is eating at that time (she's always eating when I get there), all the bottles from the day, a blanket, and her daily log. After all this is arranged in my hands in a way that is almost possible for me to carry, I have to put my shoes on outside the door.  So,  I have to put all the stuff back down to get my shoes back on then pick up all the stuff a second time in a way that is coordinated enough to make sure I don't drop anything.  Pretty serious process.

We get home.  I take the baby out of the car and grab what I can making sure I still have a hand to unlock the front door.  Play with Tsoli.  Feed Tsoli.  Put Tsoli down for a nap.  Wash dishes. Make dinner.  Wash more dishes.  Baby's up.  Eat dinner with baby in my arms.  Feed baby.  Play with child.  Clean child for bed.  Get child in a bed sleeping.  Who cares which one?  Not me.  And all the while spend time with my husband (who I appreciate and helps a lot) AND work on stuff for school.

  I love my life!  Seriously, I do.  I've never felt more purpose than I do now.

Letting Go

Tsoli and I are drawing near to the end of our limitless time together.  Mommy no likey.  It is crazy to think that twelve weeks have passed since our sweet little girl was born.  She has literally grown right in front of me (seeing that we have spent nearly every waking and non-waking hour together).  Tsoli has  grown from sleeping most of the day to...actually she still sleeps a lot but not nearly as much...smiling, laughing, cooing, babbling and rolling.  She used to be extremely fussy and now she is a very happy baby.  Let me show you!

Pretty sweet girl, right?! RIGHT! 

So today is Thursday and I start my last semester of school on Monday.  I will start student teaching so I will be in school the same hours as a real classroom teacher.  This translates to my baby being in daycare all day WITHOUT HER MOMMY!  Or maybe I should say that I will be in school all day WITHOUT MY BABY!  I feel like her transition will be a little easier than mine as long as she gets something to eat, gets her naps, and gets played with and read to exactly like I do it at home :).  

I will graduate in May and then summa summa summa time!  I get to take care of my baby for another three months and watch her grow and develop into a big girl, gaining the ability to do new cool baby things.  All I have to do is stay focused, find balance, and give everything 100%.  I can do that.  I have to do that for my husby and my baby girl.  Even though I have to leave my child with people who are not named Samohya Stallons I am so thankful for such good timing and God allowing me the opportunity to reach my goal.  

Here is Tsoli's progression from when we brought her home 'til now...*sigh*  

Mommy Time!

Finally, I have gotten back to the blog!

My husband and I had our baby on October 22 of this year.  Her name is Tsoli (pronounced "sole-ee") Rose and we are beyond in love!  So, here's the story of her birth...

I had made it to the point when my doctor visits were every week.  One Thursday I was scheduled to go to the doctor and when they checked my blood pressure it was higher than normal.  The doctor seemed a little worried that I had developed a condition called preeclampsia and told me to come back the next day.  I get there Friday and my blood pressure is even higher than the day before!  I was told to get to the hospital because we were having our baby...PSYCH!!!!  The doctor called after they monitored my blood pressure and got me ready for my C-section (Tsoli was breech) and told us that we could go home.  That was a huge disappointment and I cried the hardest I ever had.  So, I go back to the doctor on Monday after an extremely long weekend and my blood pressure is checked again.  I don't remember the numbers but it was alarmingly high.  I was sent to the hospital right away and we were for sure going to meet our sweet girl!

I call my husband at work to tell him that I was on my way to the hospital and that it was serious this time.  He must have been driving fast because he got to the hospital at the same time I did.  I was not having fun because I was so hungry and not allowed to eat.  My IV was put in (ouch), I got shaved by a person I had never seen and never saw again, and then it was time to go!  

**Side note:  I had to learn quickly to accept help for every little thing and while I was pretty annoyed I was also extremely thankful for my husband and the nurses that took care of me. They had to do things that made me feel uncomfortable for them but they were so selfless and caring and told me to stop apologizing.

Ok.  Back to the story.  Benjamin wasn't allowed to come into the operating room until after they had given me the spinal which was what I was most afraid of.  So, I'm in there shaking like crazy because my nerves were out of control with my husband nowhere in sight.  Getting the spinal hurt SOOOOO bad but there was a wonderful nurse who stood in front of me, hugged me, and kept telling me I was doing a good job.  I was holding onto that lady so tight with my eyes sealed and reciting a line from the Psalm 23.  Over and over again "He makes me lie down in green pastures.  He leads me beside still waters."  It felt like the guy was sticking me in the back with that needle for an eternity.  Then my butt went numb and they helped me to lay down.  I feel like there were two people in the room when the poking started and when I opened my eyes again there were like ten people in the room.  After laying down I started to feel really sick like I was going to throw up and since I was on my back and not able to move with no feeling from the chest-ish down, I really thought I was going to die.  Finally, I asked the nurses where my husband was.  One responded, "we're going to get him soon."  I said, "Okay.  When is my husband coming?"  Haha!  I really didn't like that he wasn't with me.  Before I knew it, my Benjamin was there with me and I felt lots of tugging on my belly.  Ben stood up to look over the sheet that separated us from the operation and said, "I see her butt!"  When I heard Tsoli's cry I immediately broke out in tears.  It was the sweetest sound I'd ever heard.  

I was still being operated on while Ben went to the other side of the room to see the baby.  I didn't actually see her for quite sometime.  When they brought her to me she was looking all around the room but when I started talking to her, she stopped and just stared at me.  I melted when she turned my way.  I knew she couldn't see me but my voice was familiar to her.  When I see pictures of that moment it still brings tears to my eyes.  That was the beginning of a love story.

Going Crazy

Being pregnant for nine whole months is pretty intense.  I am aware that people have been doing this from the beginning of time but geez, can we shorten this?!  I've been having a little person living in my belly for almost 38 weeks now and I can honestly say I'm over it.  There have been cool moments and things that happen are still pretty cool but I think it'll be even cooler to see my kid and hold her and hear her cry and the list could go on and on.  Also, people keep telling me to be patient because she will get here and change everything.  I'm excited for the change and I know it'll be a HUGE adjustment for my husband and I.  My husband hasn't dealt much with kids so there will be a learning curve there.  He will pick it up pretty quickly, I'm sure...because he doesn't have a choice ;)  My biggest adjustment will be sleeping.  I LOVE SLEEPING!  Now, I am not one of those over-sleepers who will sleep all day long and for excessive amounts of time but when I'm supposed to be sleeping, you can bet that's what I'm doing. So the thought of being awake during the time my body wants to be resting makes me nervous.  Surely, I'll get used to it...because I don't have a choice.  With all that being said/rambled....

TSOLI, COME OUT! WE'RE READY FOR YOU!

Top 10

I was talking with my husband the other day about the top 10 things that we have learned being married.  This would be like the 10 things that we think are the most important and that have made our first year of marriage successful (successful as in we are still married...and still plan to be married for a while..and still consider each other best friends).  We have had many days when navigating through our marriage were all but happy but it's important to say that learning this stuff together was and is really worth it. So here is the list that we put together, together :)  P.S. These are not listed in order of importance.

1. Go on adventures together.  This is not something that has to cost a lot of money or any at all. It's always fun to go for a drive with no plan or destination.  Really good discussions come out of this for us.  You can also find interesting things if you go to a place where you don't really know your way around and have to find your way back out...Just don't get killed or something.
2. Pray together.  Praying is really neat because you're growing closer to God both individually and as a unit.  It is also a vulnerable place to be with another person because, you would hope, when you're talking to God, a little bit of your heart is exposed.  That is a really sweet thing to be a part of.  A lot of times I find myself with a really big smile on my face when my husband is praying because I am in love his heart for people and for God.
3. Always be on the same team.  This one is really big for me because I have to be reminded of it so much.  Craig Groeschel, the pastor of LifeChurch.tv, did a series on marriage recently and one of the things he said that stood out to me is when you fight, don't fight for victory but fight for reconciliation and restoration.  Definitely a slap in the face for me because I always wanted to win.  Not good. 
4. Don't waste time getting mad over little things.  There will be so many jumbo things to fight about that to make a big deal out of the small things is silly.  Also, when I think about all of the small things we could be mad at each other about, we would never not be mad. Ever.  Close the closet doors, rinse your dishes, hang up your towel after using it, don't leave your clothes on the ground, take out the trash. PLEASE SWEET BABY JESUS lead this man to take out the trash!  blah blah blah.  The list could go on forever and those are not all things that I get mad about. Those are things he has to get on me about too. Just FYI.  But you can see how we would never be able to have fun or just chill if we wasted time fighting about trivial things.
5. Shower together.  Soon we will have a little person in our house that will make this pretty much impossible. But, I must say that taking showers together gave us a little bit of extra time to talk in the mornings or evenings and that is much appreciated.  (Saves water too!)  Oh! And our showers are about 99% of the time not sexual, just functional.  There's always somebody to help you wash your back :)
6. Love Languages actually work and they help.  The book we had to read for our pre-marital counseling is titled "The 5 Love Languages" and seems really stupid and corny at first but it really does help.  The love languages are 1)Words of Affirmation 2)Quality Time 3)Receiving Gifts 4)Acts of Service 5)Physical Touch.  I thought I could pick out my own by just looking at them but actually reading the book (go figure) showed me differently.  My top love language is Words of Affirmation while my husband's is Physical Touch.  Good things to know when one of you needs to be loved on. 
7. Be intimate. Alot. You know what I mean... Do it. I don't think anything else needs to be said about that.  
8. Surprise each other.  The little things are always the best.  For example, I love when my husband surprises me with a clean kitchen or making the bed.  Neither of those are a big huge deal but it shows that he was thinking of me.  This is a good time to consider the other person's love languages too!  
9. Love each other in public.  Side Story* Ben and I are in Target picking up some stuff for the baby and we turn to walk down the aisle and this couple is legit making out...Like hard core making out.  So we just stand there awkwardly and wait for them to notice us.  When they do notice us, they keep kissing.  Ummm, okay.  I guess we will just look for something else.  End Side Story*  This is not what I mean when I say love each other in public.  I love when my husband sneaks kisses when no one is watching or when he stops me to give me a big hug.  Small things, small things.
10. Show interest in each other's interests.  Pretty easy, sometimes.  This is a good way to practice not complaining.  I'm good at complaining and spending time doing things that Ben likes teaches me to be selfless.  Also, I love seeing my man happy!  That's a plus. 

Well, there you go!  Those are our top 10 things that my husband and I learned in the first year of being married.  Surely the list will be different after family dynamics change with adding a baby girl to the picture.